That's A Mores

Everyone acknowledges that social norms are illogical. That’s how Seinfeld and his famed “show about nothing” dominated Neilsen ratings for years, and eventually went out on top. [insert awkward Larry King interview here]

One I’ve considered for sometime is the American (especially Southern) premium on politeness. Politeness is probably THE chief virtue in the Southern US, and it trumps actual goodness or kindness almost every time. Kindness is only seen as kind as long as it is polite.

Exhibit A: After Ford was born, friends brought us dinners so that we didn’t have to cook. More often than not people would bring a portion of a meal that they had made for their family to eat that same night or the following night. After one of the meals, I woke up with an upset stomach and thought that I might be getting sick. And the part I feared most was not the actual illness. It was deciding whether or not I should tell the woman who brought the meal just in case I could prevent her family from eating the same meal and ending up with the same sickness.

My Dilemma: To tell the woman who brought the meal that it made me sick would be impolite; not because I’m insulting her ability to cook, but because it would make her feel bad to know that she had made me sick. If she was not going to eat that same meal the following night with her family, I would have had no dilemma. The polite thing to do is obvious—stay up all night and vomit, and then call her the next day and tell her the meal was delicious. But, what if I don’t tell her, and she eats the same meal the next night with her family? Then I could have prevented her family's illness, but chose not to in favor of being polite and receiving spoiled food with gratitude and Southern charm. It's ridiculous, but at 2 am I was actually torn about which was worse – being impolite or sparing a entire family from food poisoning.

So, what would you do? Culturally, which is worse being impolite or unkind?